Have you ever been tempted to just pretend that the life you are living is different than the reality? If you have, you can quickly imagine a new life by just hanging out for a few minutes with a 6-year-old. Since my son seems to want loads of interaction around any scenario that is different than the one he is having. Each sentence seems to start with “Mom, let’s pretend…”
I’ve pretended to be the grocery clerk, the mailman, the chef, the librarian, the waitress, and the person at the DVD rental place.
My son has acted out the role of a stranger who approaches our front door in dark three dimensional glasses (that we got at the movies, but that he would not put on for the entire show.)
He’s has been the brave Indiana Jones and I’ve been his helpful partner.
I’ve been a gardener who comes to help trim his shrubbery.
We’ve been American Idols singing the Beach “Guys” (his words).
And I’ve repeatedly had to pretend to be frightened by fake roaches, a giant squid and rubber lizards.
It can be fun and entertaining to see what scenario he comes up with next. He claims the roles of director, producer and guest star. Now if he can just write the theme song I will have a little Clint Eastwood on my hands. But of course, he’d rather be Harrison Ford (you can’t beat the guy who stars in both Indiana Jones and Star Wars!)
Each scene we are assigned is never perfect; there is always something our director thinks I can improve upon, for example, screaming in fright with more enthusiasm. He makes us do it over and over. Sometimes I want Indy to take a break and go by myself a Barbie and just style her hair.
And after “Take 7″ I admit that I have said, “Go get Daddy. Mommy is tired of pretending to be frightened. Mommy needs to rest her voice for a bit.”
Are you asking yourself, “What does this have to do with living with a chronic illness? How does this make a different in my dealing of my chronic illness?” I think that living with an illness requires a certain ability to be able to pretend.
One of the commercials for rheumatoid arthritis finally makes sense to me. It shows a split screen on the TV with the person living her actual life on the left side of the screen and then (with the medication of course) they are able to cross the line in the middle of the screen and enter into the life they have previously just been able to observe. And the right side of the screen may include an activity as simple as having dinner with the family (no sky diving or water skiing.)
There will always be seasons in our lifetime when the drugs don’t work like they promised or we’ve developed a tolerance. Perhaps they are no longer available or we can just no longer afford them. No matter how hard we try to make wise choices or pray for relief, we cannot seem to cross over to the right side of that television screen and live the life we want to be living. But we do have the gift and choice of being able to just pretend. What do I mean?
There are times when nothing about my body or my head FEELS like doing anything! But we still have to choose when we are going to let our feelings rule our choices or when we are going to just pretend we are living the life we wanted and go through the motions. And when you choose the second option, sometimes the outcome may surprise you.
For example, recently my parents were here for a visit and we wanted Papa to be able to take my son fishing off the dock at a little local lake. We enthusiastically packed everything up, including a picnic lunch on Monday, but when we got there the lake was “closed for fishing Mondays.” Who knew that maybe the fish needed a Sabbath too?
So before Grammy and Papa left, we were determined to get that adventure in and we ended up rushing over one night twenty minutes before the lake closed at dusk. When my husband came home from work, I said, “We’re going to the lake in five minutes. Grab your stuff and let’s go.”
To be honest, I was sore. I wouldn’t have minded a bit to just stayed home and let the guys take photos. I wasn’t walking all the way down the dock anyway. But I knew my son wanted “the entire family” to go. So I went.
And you know what I found? A beautiful, peaceful lake that had hardly a soul on it. Just sitting on the patio deck by the tackle store was relaxing and rejuvenating and I will back there again soon, especially when I am working on my next book.
If you have a chronic illness than you have a body that is telling you “Stop; don’t; be careful; you shouldn’t; not a good idea; rest; skip it.”
It’s shrewd to know when to heed this guidance, for example you never want to push yourself during chronic post-surgical pain. But if you try to do it all, you will make your illness even worse and never learn the art of boundaries and energy conservation. And this is something you need to know to live a successful life with a chronic illness.
But you also much recognize when to ignore what your body. A great deal of time chronic pain, for example the condition called fibromyalgia, is treated with depression medication. If your body is whispering “no!” to you answer back, “Why not? What’s the worse thing that can occur? I’m going to go for it! It will be okay; I will be careful; Just this once.” And of course, “I’ll just pretend.”
While I am not promoting denial of your emotions, especially if you are enduring a deep depression, many studies done around the world have shown that having an optimistic attitude can increase your health and even you life span. One study discovered that pessimists were actually 3 times more likely to have heart attacks or repeat surgical heart procedures within 6 months. So how you think does make a difference.
There are plenty of books and programs that give you instructions on all the steps you must take to enhance the management of your chronic illness, but you may just discover yourself sliding over to the right side of the screen, little by little leading the life you wanted to live.
Lisa Copen is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness Week held annually in Sept and featuring a 5-day virtual conference online. Follow II Week on Twitter for prizes and info. Blog about invisible illness on your site, be a featured guest blogger, meet others, read articles and lots more. Make a impact today!